The downside of living in a foreign culture...

Today I am extremely depressed.  Why?  Because even though work is going OK, I have friends at work, and it is finally a sunny day outside, there is no one to share it with.  Living in a foreign culture outside of an expat or missions community it is very very very lonely.  Yes, we have it easier branching over into the culture (especially having a Swedish husband), but the downside is that you belong nowhere.  You live far far away from friends and family, and because you are completely immersed in the culture, you are excluded from the expat communities as well.

In some cultures, this might might be not as big a deal.  Many cultures are very open and welcoming, and there can never be enough excuses to go hang out at the pub/cafe/etc., and everyone is invited along.  But in Sweden unless you have known someone since elementary school you will never be invited in.  Even though I have excellent friends at work, and have lived here since 1998, it is the same.  What makes it worse is that 5 years ago we moved to a different part of Sweden, far from where my Swedish husband grew up.  Which means that we no longer even have his fall-back elementary school friends available.  In 5 years here we have become involved in setting up Sunday school at the local church, I sing in two choirs, we are both active volunteering at the school, my husband is on the church council, we take our kids to sports regularly.  And yet, in all that time we have been invited to someones' home 1 time.  In 5 years.

We have, in fact, had many people over many times, so we are trying.  But this is Swedish society.  It is very lonely, and no one invites in outsiders.  And you are an outsider if you did not grow up in the community, if your grandparents are not within 10 minutes drive, and if you have no school friends around.  And definitely if you are a foreigner. 

And so living in Sweden is very lonely.  When I have a hard day, I have no one to call.  I don't have a friend to call and say, "Hey, want to go  get a coffee?" when I need a break from the kids / husband/ housework/ job/ garden/ etc.  If I tried I would probably be instantly shunned and marked as "that wierd foreigner", because I don't think even Swedes do that with each other.

And thus, I am a bit depressed today.  The urge to return to the US, regardless of the economic situation, our missions and jobs here and everything else, is overwhelming sometimes.  Just the need to see someone on the street who smiles and says "Hello," even though he or she has never seen you and likely will never see you again, is overwhelming.  My husband, being Swedish, does not understand this need.  If I suggest we perhaps go to town, or at least try to leave the country for a weekend, he looks at me like I am insane, because he thinks everything is all right here, and is raised without the idea that people should smile at each other and get to know new people throughout life.

It is a very tough environment, and I sometimes wonder if it will end up crushing me.